#7

 

A big topic talked about this week in my class was infidelity. I was shocked to hear the statistics regarding how common affairs are and how easily they can happen. An article by Scott Gardner says, “According to research from the National Marriage Project (2008), 21% of married men and 14% of married women report ever having an affair.” And those are only the people who have reported it, I’m sure the numbers are higher. When I think about the word affair, I think of physical sexual relations with another person. It was interesting to learn about the different types because it includes a lot more than you might think.

First of course, there is a sexual affair. That is when a married person has sexual relations with someone who is not their husband or wife. It was crazy to hear in class how easily this happens. I was talking with a family member about the class discussions this week and he told me about something that happened while he was in school. A male and a female teacher who both taught at the same school and who lived near each other carpooled the 30 minutes to work and back each day. It started with innocent intentions and was simply just for convenience. Later on they ended up having an affair during their commutes to work. In class my professor expressed the importance of not being alone with someone of the opposite sex when both are married.  I think that story supports my professors statements because you never know what can happen.

The next type is a visual/pornographic affair. This is the most common type of affair. I would assume because porn is so easily accessible these days. It also just covers a lot of issues, any situation where you are lusting after someone else whether it is a pornographic video, a social media post, someone you see in public etc.

There is also a fantasy affair, or as I have heard it as, an emotional affair. It includes thinking about or flirting with other people outside your marriage. The article I mentioned before said “even the thought of adultery is sinful.”

Lastly there is a romantic affair. This is where someone develops feelings for someone who is not their spouse and becomes emotionally involved. Scott Gardner said “A romantic affair is characterized by a second life”

A question that came to mind was “why do people have affairs?” Scott Gardner addressed that exact question. His section of the article states “Many spouses who have engaged in infidelity reference dissatisfaction with their marriage as the reason for an affair. Research has shown that unfaithful women were especially more likely to attribute negative characteristics to their husband than unfaithful men did to their wives. Many of these women felt that their husbands no longer loved or valued them and that their affairs made up for something “missing” in their lives (Allan, 2004, p. 132).” He goes on to say that there are several factors that can contribute to an affair such as, culture, religion and personal beliefs.

Reading about and discussing affairs was a little rough to think about. There are so many things a person can do to have an affair, and even those with the purest intentions can end up committing adultery. Even though I have only done half a semester of these classes and am barley into the major, I think my classes have helped prepare me to be a better wife because I know what to do to stay clear of affairs. Obviously, I have never had an intention of having an affair in the future, but I have learned that certain situations lead to bad decisions, I am glad I now know what situations to avoid for a better marriage.